More than a Crumb

I live for glamour. I appreciate comfort. I have two pieces of advice for everyone. Buy that nice mascara now. You may not feel like wearing makeup these days but you will arrive at a moment when you want to dress up (Even if it is just for yourself.) and you should be prepared. I believe in living like I might be invited to the opera at the last minute and wouldn’t have to think twice about saying yes.The other thing is never be schlubby with your comfort. It should be given the same care as glamour. It shouldn’t dull the emotions nor make you say, “That’ll do.” before letting out an angry sigh. The dressing gown you may live in on a regular basis shouldn’t make you feel like Miss Havisham. Make sure to wash it on a regular basis and slip it on with the intention of being a semi-reclusive socialite who is very happy at home; occasionally writing letters to friends who are further afield; when you aren’t tending to your collection of rare plants. (Less cottagecore, more Emily Dickinson.)

You can take this approach with dinner. You may not have it in you to create a grand feast -and you shouldn’t every single night as you must preserve your fragile energy. Yet you want to make a small effort so you aren’t standing in front of the open fridge eating more cheese and letting yourself drift towards deeper existential dread. (Try and ration that if possible.) If the thought of turning on the stove makes you want to cry, at least add a few grapes, or some olives.

Today though, we turn on the stove, take the cauliflower and make it useful. We aren’t going to tell some lie about cauliflower being good as a pizza crust. We shall make cauliflower cheese which with the right touch can offer reliable comfort. Sometimes people treat it with indifference and it is eaten but it isn’t enjoyed. We shall begin by steaming it for a few minutes. Cut it up to make it fit and then pull it off the heat so it doesn’t sit there like one sometimes does after a shower doing very little except feeling more disappointment. This cauliflower will not fall apart. Then you take the pieces and saute them in a pan. Not very long. Again just a little effort to give them a few toasty spots. Then you toss all of that tenderly treated cauliflower into a casserole dish. Feeling mildly accomplished aren’t we? Then for the cheese. A basic roux is required here. Butter melted and then some flour and you will whisk that until it thickens and has that tan colour that reminds one of a digestive biscuit or a graham cracker. Add some milk and whisk until things are smooth and creamy and then some grated cheese. Maybe a sharp cheddar, a comte, or gouda? You know what you have and what you like. Comfort means having opinions and you are exercising your authority and taste at this time. This isn’t being held hostage by a dreary school dinner or some excruciating family meal where there is always that cauliflower cheese that isn’t quite right. Add that cheese, add a bit of nutmeg, a little salt and pepper. Now we must add our own glamour. Mustard, Paprika, hot sauce, or some ancho powder. Add all of it if that makes you feel alive and pleases you so very much. Find some extra flavour in your cupboards that is akin to adding sequins to a jumper, or colourful scarf to your sensible coat. You whisk it all in, add a splash of white wine and feel satisfied with your efforts. Now you pour this all over the cauliflower. It should be like a blanket covering the vegetables. A soft thick blanket of cheese that almost makes you envious of the cauliflower. Then we sprinkle on some grated cheese, and maybe add some bread crumbs because texture keeps things interesting. We may live in interesting times but we do have the ability to control what touches our senses and a few panko crumbs can be a pleasure instead of something we put up with while trying to get through the day. Put that in the oven until things are of a hue that says that cheese has boiled and bubbled and the cauliflower is cooked. You can use that time to change into a different set of pyjamas and make yourself a drink. I encourage everyone to play a little music. It can provide something to sooth you and excite you. You don’t have to worry about talking to anyone. You can just let yourself be treated sweetly or roughly by some notes. Then it is time to eat! Eat knowing that you brought warmth and pleasure to the day. Maybe hope is a thing with a good cheese sauce.