Depressive Episode Crumble

Right now the small accomplishments count for a lot. You get up every single day and put on clothes. They may not be the prettiest most put together clothes but they are clothes and that is good. You brush your teeth, you drink your hot beverage, you make sure your pet is fed, and if you take some sort of medication -you take it. Take that metaphorical gold star and slap it proudly on your chart. Yes you need to vacuum. You will get there. Eventually. Or some kind soul might help you with that. Yes you need to reply to that one email. Eventually. Let’s just focus on the moment. You are here and that is good. Sometimes you get a burst of energy. You gaze at that bowl of fruit that is getting a bit ripe. You bought those when you had a day of good intention. “I will eat that fruit and that will help.” You haven’t yet. Maybe you are living on toast, or breakfast burritos. That is okay. But that fruit is there. Looking at you. Ugh. That other voice in your head. The abusive voice quietly tells you, “You are going to let that fruit go bad and it will be another sign that you are a failure at everything. Can’t even eat fruit. A monkey can eat fruit. What is your excuse?” If the fruit goes bad… it goes bad. Maybe you can compost it. Maybe you know someone who has a proper compost pile. Then it will serve a purpose and you are not a failure. You are helping to create good soil. You are just a bit decadent with your assistance in soil health.

But let’s imagine you have a tiny burst of energy or you want to just throw yourself into something where you don’t have to think too hard about the weight of your own existence. Chop up that fruit. Let’s say you have some apples, or some plums. Or both. (You were feeling kind of excited the day you bought those. They were on sale and looked nice and you remembered you like plums.) If your concentration skills are in one place, you can peel AND chop the apples up. If you don’t that is okay. Chop those apples up. The skin is good fiber. You probably need it. See that scattered overwhelmed feeling is looking out for you by making you eat extra fiber. Chop up those plums too. Put all of that in a saucepan. This method will help you and keep you busy for a little bit. Add in a spoonful or two of corn starch/flour. (they call it corn flour in the UK. Look at that some of us learned something new about another culture’s terms. We are doing things!) Then add a few spoonfuls of brown sugar. You add as much as you like. Maybe a bit of cinnamon if you have it. Doesn’t matter if you do. I give you permission to use allspice, or nutmeg or whatever you have on hand. This is a low pressure situation. Then add a bit of lemon juice or maybe a bit of orange juice. Whatever is easiest for you to find and won’t make you feel like your soul is climbing an icy mountain of doom. Giving everything a mix so that things are coated and the fruit is beginning to release some of its juices. Cook this over medium heat for a little bit. Stand there. Stir. Maybe put on some music so you can quiet your thoughts for a bit. NO Simon & Garfunkel or Aimee Mann. Do you understand me? We are not feeding this depression anything except food, and tea. It doesn’t get to choose the music today. It hasn’t done a lick of useful work. May I suggest some Earth, Wind & Fire? If that is a bit too much and you want something calm, why not try “Crystal Blue Persuasion” by Tommy James and the Shondells. Put that on a loop if you need to. Stir things. Listen to the music. Things will soften and thicken and look pretty good. Pour that into a baking dish. Take the saucepan and put that in the sink and let it soak. It can wait. Drink a glass of water. Got a microwave? Cool let’s use it. Melt down a bit of butter. Let’s say half a stick (around 2 oz) Melt it. Don’t have a microwave? Melt the butter in a small saucepan. Let it cool. In a bowl combine a bit of flour, oats, (let’s say 1/2 a cup of each) a few spoonfuls of brown sugar, and maybe more cinnamon. Or not. Maybe you just don’t want to go that far. Fine. It will still taste good. Add the butter to the dry ingredients and mix until things are wet and crumbly. Sprinkle that over the fruit. Doesn’t need to be pretty. Just covered. Pop that in oven for about 20–30 minutes at 350/160. Use the timer on your phone so you won’t forget. That way if you need to go and watch a bunch of youtube videos of capybaras having baths, or chiropractors cracking backs for awhile you will remember to check on things. Check on it, it looks pretty done, take it out and let it sit awhile. YOU USED THE FRUIT!!! Let it cool awhile. You don’t want depression AND a burned mouth. Then you can eat it. You can eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner if that is all you can do. Which is perfectly fine. It has everything you need for a bit. Plus it might feel good to wake up and know you have some fruit crumble waiting for you. You freaking made it! This is fantastic. Go lay down awhile and then answer that email. I promise the email will be answered. And no one will hate you for answering it late because no one answers their email in a timely fashion. They will just be excited to hear from you. Because people like you just the way you are.